


In All Your Armor

by Kinda_Kawaii



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff, Graphic Violence, Romance, Sexual Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-06-05 00:42:52
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 14,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6682579
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kinda_Kawaii/pseuds/Kinda_Kawaii
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While the Trevelyan's were known for their life of luxury and devout and loyal Andrastian upbringing - Elise was the odd one out. Sent to the Ostwick Circle as a young child, Elise never got to take advantage of the Nobility that came with the Trevelyan name. Unfortunately, she wouldn't get the chance, for Templars attacked the circle - forcing her to flee, and things only went worse from there. She had gone to the Temple of Sacred Ashes in hopes of peace, but instead was met with destruction and chaos. Now somehow, the world has turned to her as their savior.<br/>With minimal faith, and minimal experience in the outside world, Elise struggles to hold herself, and the rest of Thedas together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Struck

_Maker’s breath, he’s singing. They’re all singing. They all know this song. I don’t even know this song. Does this make me a bad Andrastian?_ Elise asked herself, watching the people around her sing together. 

Haven had just fallen, buried under the snow and rubble. So many lives lost. It was tragic, horrible. Their enemy had shown his face, and it was a portrait of fear and madness. Perhaps this song was the only thing to give the survivor’s hope. Elise wasn’t one to dismiss the methods of others, but there was something about being surrounded by a group of people, singing a song she didn’t know. 

By the maker, his eyes were closed. He was so into it! Elise watched Commander Cullen from across the camp. Her blue eyes swept across the field, and caught the narrowed gaze of the elvhen apostate. She didn’t know how he moved so quickly, but the next thing she knew he was beside her. 

“A word.” His voice resonated in her head. 

 

Oh Maker it was cold. They had been traveling for over a week now in the snow. The rubble and destruction of Haven far behind them. And how many lives and families as well? And so many more along the way. The way to what again? Elise felt like she needed constant reassurance they weren’t just pointlessly wandering in the snow. 

Solas had told her of a fortress. Among the snow and mountains. It was a place they could regroup and rebuild, and it’d be all worth the journey. Elise felt hardly a comforting thought as she huddled around the fire, trying not to freeze. She had felt chills before in the worse winters at the circle, but this was something else entirely. She had never been this cold before, the snow seemed to creep into her bones. 

Her thoughts were interrupted when she felt something warm and heavy draped over her shoulders. Instantly she pulled it tighter around her, feeling better. Elise looked up and recognized the familiar bear-fur mantle. 

“C-commander. Th-thank you... but what of you?” She stammered, not sure if the shock or chill caught up in her words. She found herself having some difficulties giving up the coat however.

“You’ll have to speak up. I can’t quite hear you over your chattering teeth.” Cullen replied, pulling the coat a little higher up her neck. Elise tried her best not to flinch away from those familiar gauntlets. “And no need to worry about me. Nothing I can’t handle.” He sat beside her, for a second Elise felt her cheeks flush. Or maybe that was just her face no longer freezing. “How are you Elise?” he asked.

She was always caught off guard when someone addressed her by her name now. It was always “Herald”, “Your worship”, “Serah” or some other title. “You’re not hurt are you?” Elise felt his eyes on her.

“I’m alright. A little sore. Mostly cold.” Elise replied with a small laugh, not sure what was so funny, but the laugh came out in her nervousness. 

“How is your leg?” he asked. Elise had taken some shrapnel to the thigh back at Haven. It would have healed without a problem, but then she had to trek alone through the mountains to find the rest of the camp. 

“It’s part of the soreness, but the healers did a good job for its severity. There’s plenty of elfroot in my future though.” She let out another nervous laugh. Oh she was laughing so much, she must have seemed insane. Elise noticed that the commander looked a little uncomfortable with all this mention of magic, so she changed the subject. “How are you Commander Cullen?” She asked, giving him a smile.

Cullen didn’t mean to seem so uncomfortable at the mention of magic, she was a mage after all. Oh, she was smiling at him. “Oh, I uh, uhm yes. Sorry.” he cleared his throat, trying to gather his thoughts. 

“Are you alright?” Elise repeated, brows furrowed with worry. She leaned in close, which startled Cullen and he jumped, knocking their foreheads together. 

“Oh! Oh Maker’s breath. I’m so sorry Elise! Forgive me, I just, oh sweet maker I am so sorry. Are you alright!?” Cullen frantically pulled away but still tried to look her over. Oh goodness he had left a mark on her forehead. “I am so, so-” 

“It’s fine! Really, Cullen I’m alright.” She laughed, rubbing her forehead. “You startled me mostly. Are you alright? I’ve been told my head is pretty hard.” 

She was laughing. The sound resonated in his ears and made him relax. “My sister used to say the same thing about me.” 

“You have a sister? Is she older or younger?” 

“Older. And will never let me forget it.” Cullen replied. 

“Oh, one of those.” Elise giggled. “I know how that is.” 

“You have siblings as well?” He asked. 

“Mm, yes. Two younger brothers. Twins actually.” She smiled fondly at the thought of them. “It’s been awhile since I’ve seen them.” There was a hint of sadness in her voice. Cullen noticed her eyes always looked so sad. Unfortunately, he wasn’t as intuitive as Elise when it came to tip toeing around certain subjects of conversations. “How come you haven’t seen them?” he asked innocently. 

“I uhm...” Elise cleared her throat. “Being in the circle and all...” 

“Oh. Oh! Sweet Andraste. Right! I’m uh I’m sorry.” Cullen stammered, feeling red faced. “Right. I should get back to work. I’ve bothered you for long enough.” He got up quickly, dusting snow off his pants. 

“Alright.” Elise said. “Oh! Your coat Cullen!”

“Don’t worry. Keep it as long as you need.” he told her. 

“T-thank you.” Elise watched him go. 

In all his armor, Cullen was quite intimidating. Even she had trouble looking past that templar armor. But upon meeting him, getting to know him, he was quite gentle. Like a lion. Handsome, strong, powerful, but underneath it all, still just a cat. 

Elise always liked cats.


	2. Chapter 2

To say she wasn’t taking her new position and title well was an understatement. Being the “Herald of Andraste” was stressful enough. But then they reached Skyhold, there was talk of the Inquisition needing a leader. Elise wanted to run away the second they suggested she become the Inquisitor. Were they all mad? She didn’t want this! It was terrifying! And yet here she was. Hundreds of people looking to her, for hope, for salvation.

So in avoidance of her new found duties, Elise took to hiding with various companions. People she had met and recruited along the way. She was currently hiding in the stables, keeping the horses company. 

“I’ve never ridden a horse before. But I’ve always liked them.” She told Blackwall who had discovered her hiding, crouched amongst the horses. 

“You’ve never ridden a horse before?” He asked, raising his brows. “It’s a useful skill. I could teach you if you’d like.” 

“Really?” Elise’s eyes lit up. “I’d like that very much. Thank you!” 

“Of course Inquisitor.” Elise flinched at the title. “Oh, right. I’m sorry Elise.” 

“It’s alright. I’m just not used to it. I don’t think I ever will honestly.” 

“Things like that take time.” he told her. “You just need to hear it enough.” 

“Warden Blackwall!” A voice called out. Elise noticed, but he didn’t turn around right away. She figured he was ignoring him. “Warden Blackwall!” The scout repeated, louder this time. “Have you seen Inquisitor Trevelyan?”

“Hhm? Oh, no. I haven’t. Have you checked the battlements? I think I saw her on the far north side.” He replied. 

“Alright. By the way who were you talking?” he asked. 

“The horses. They need company too.” He told the scout. 

Elise mouthed a ‘thank you’ to Blackwall and scooted out of the stables. He tipped her a wink and lead the scout in the opposite direction.

She was hungry and luckily the kitchens were nearby. She had made fast friends with the staff, so she trusted they wouldn’t rat her out. Unfortunately, she couldn’t get them to lie to one of her advisers if they were standing right there. 

“I was hoping you’d stop by.” Cullen smiled at her. “You have straw in your hair, Elise.” He reached out and picked a few pieces out from her head. 

She felt her ears turn pink. Oh this was quite embarrassing. “I’m guessing you’re here to take me back to the war table?” Elise asked. 

“Unfortunately yes. Ambassador Montilyet has been fretting over your whereabouts for nearly an hour. I have to admit it’s rather impressive you’ve managed to dodge not only my scouts, Josephine’s couriers _and_ Leliana’s spies.” Cullen chuckled, leaning his hand against the hilt of his sword. Elise knew it was just comfortable for him, she did the same thing with her staff, but it still made her a little nervous. “And in the end you’re caught in the kitchen.” 

“I can’t run forever.” Elise replied. Cullen’s smile faltered a little. Oh, that didn’t sound as playful as he was... maybe this wasn’t a very good subject. He cleared his throat, feeling awkward now. 

“Why don’t you get something to eat then? I’m sure you’re hungry. I’ll pretend I didn’t see you and we can meet up again in an hour? I won’t give away your position at the stables either.” Cullen said, feeling better when he saw Elise smile. 

“Alright. An hour. I promise.” She replied. 

“I look forward to it.” 

 

The hour went by much faster than she would have liked. And Elise contemplated hiding again... but she spent the entire morning avoiding her duties. Perhaps it was time to actually do something. Even if she didn’t want to be put in this position, she was here and she had to do something about it or no one else would. Elise took a deep breath, letting it out slowly and headed towards the war table. Elise was fully aware she still had straw sticking out of her hair, and she probably smelled of horses, but it didn’t make sense to change just for this silly meeting. If one could even call it a meeting. Most of the time it’d just be her sitting there, listening to her advisers talk back and forth over something she didn’t understand, then nod yes to who ever spoke to her last. 

By the time she arrived, they were already in deep discussion. Cullen was leaning over the table, moving pieces across the map, Leliana was reading over some sort of scroll, and Josephine frantically scribbling away on her notebook. When Elise stepped through the door, all actions stopped and they all stared at her. “Oh! Inquisitor Trevelyan. There you are. We’ve been looking for you.” Leliana said. 

“So I’ve heard.” Elise replied, slowly crossing the room. She stood at one end of the table and looked down at it. Places she had never been, names she never heard of. Her gaze moved to around the room. It was in shambles. This was one of the more put together rooms on this side of the fortress, in fact when they arrived the war table had already been there. Well, it was just a regular table at the time, honestly Elise would have thought it would have made a lovely table for meals but the others had different plans. 

They spoke about their plans to rebuild Skyhold, reinforce it enough to withstand any and all attacks that may be made from them. No one wanted another repeat of Haven. “I agree, we lost enough. We shouldn’t run from here if we don’t have to.” Elise did feel strangely drawn to this place. There was some sort of history, some magic that resonated with her. So while her duties often caused her to flee, she found it difficult to actually abandon Skyhold now. Something about guard rotations interrupted her thoughts. 

“Elise?” Cullen repeated. Elise turned to look at him, taken aback by his gaze. It was so intense, but never quite intimidating. The commander was so handsome. 

“Yes.” She answered blindly, not exactly sure what question had been asked of her. She caught Josephine and Leliana exchanging glances and suddenly worried if she had made the wrong decision. 

“Excellent. Walk with me then, we can discuss how the sentries will be established.” Cullen said, walking around the table towards her. 

Elise was a bit relieved that was all he had asked of her. She was afraid she had agreed to something unpleasant. But a walk around the battlements with the commander sounded lovely. Even if it was about defense tactics. He usually already had some idea in mind, so she could just nod and provide very little input. He walked right by her and held the door open for her, waiting patiently. Elise jumped and scurried after him, walking out of the room. 

The two walked down the steps, and she listened to Cullen talk enthusiastically about what he had in mind. As they walked through the courtyard they had been stopped a few times, survivors and the like greeting her with bows and words of praise. “Your Worship.” Krem said as he walked by, giving a polite wave. Elise felt very uncomfortable with all these titles. She wasn’t even sure how to deal with it all. 

“It’s odd. Don’t you think?” Elise asked, turning to Cullen. 

“What’s odd?” He paused, which was a relief because his strides were much longer than hers and she was having trouble keeping up. 

“This... title. This Inquisitor business.” Elise gestured around her. 

“Well no, not really. Morale was low after Haven, and I believe it’s improved greatly since you accepted your role as Inquisitor. You’ve proven yourself a leader.” 

Elise wasn’t sure about that, but she was happy he thought so. She chewed on her lip nervously, a bad habit she had little success quitting. “Our escape from Haven... it was, very close. Too close.” She fidgeted, trying to find the right words. “I’m relieved that you - that so many of us made it out.” 

“As am I.” They had stopped in a more secluded part of Skyhold, away from the people setting up their camps. It was quiet here. Their eyes met and Elise tried her best not to shy away, but her instincts caught the best of her and she took a step back. She was surprised Cullen stepped forward after her. “You stayed behind - you could have... I will not allow the events at Haven to happen again.” She hadn’t realized it until now, but Cullen had reached out and grabbed her hand. His thumb brushed over her knuckles. “You have my word.” 

Elise opened her mouth to speak, but another voice covered hers. 

“Commander Cullen!” A scout came running up to them. Their hands parted, they stepped away, a great distance between them, it felt further than it should have felt. “Your presence is needed at the main gate.” he said, then turned to Elise. “My apologies Inquisitor Trevelyan.” He said with a bow. 

“We’ll meet up again later? To continue our plans.” Cullen asked her. 

“A-alright.” Elise gave him a smile. He smiled back at her, scratching at the back of his neck, turning away quickly to follow after the soldier. 

“At least he’s good at what he does.” A voice behind her made Elise yelp and she whirled around, discovering Leliana standing behind her. 

“Y-you startled me. I didn’t hear you coming.” She gasped, hand over her heavily beating heart. 

That smirk was not lost on her. “My apologies Inquisitor. I didn’t mean to sneak up on you like that.” The Spymaster said. 

“She has a talent of doing that.” Another voice startled poor Elise. 

Leliana couldn’t help but laugh. “Or perhaps our poor Inquisitor is just easily startled. I’ll make sure to keep that in mind.” 

“Elise.” The mage corrected. “You can just call me Elise. I was never one for fancy titles...” 

“Well... Elise, if you don’t mind. We have a few questions to ask you. Since we didn’t get to speak much at Haven.” Josephine said, giving her a warm smile. Elise supposed she didn’t have a choice. 

“What do you need to know?” 

 

It wasn’t as bad as Elise thought. In fact, it was quite pleasant. The three women were sitting around a table drinking tea and chatting. Well, not so much chatting but gossiping, exchanging stories. It was nice hearing about their lives and the different details of the people around them. What exciting lives they led! 

“So Elise... you lived in the circle correct? What was it like?” Josephine asked. 

Elise set down her tea. “Oh. Uhm...” How could she answer that? Especially in a polite manner. These were such powerful women, she felt that complaining to them about her past didn’t seem right. “It was...” she cleared her throat. “Livable.” That seemed like the best answer. It wasn’t exactly a horrible existence, but Elise never enjoyed her time in the Ostwick circle. 

“A very diplomatic answer.” Josephine mused, pouring Elise another cup. She didn’t exactly want one, but she couldn’t turn it down now, so Elise loaded it with sugar and took a sip. “You must have had decent relations with the templars? You did side with them almost immediately.”

Elise’s face turned red as she thought about the templars back at the circle. “...I was completely infatuated with one of the templars at our tower.” 

“No! What came of it?” She set down her tea to listen. Even Leliana had paused what she was doing and was listening intently. 

“I... well. Nothing came of it. I was so shy I never said a word to him.” Elise muttered quietly. 

“Oh. I’m sure it was for the best...” the ambassador replied, looking a little disappointed.

“Things have changed a bit then, with a certain former templar.” Leliana mused, making Elise choke on her tea. 

“N-no! I... I uhm.” She stammered out, at a complete loss of words. She had missed the look exchanged between the two other women across from her. “Commander Cullen he... I... he...he is right there! Oh look! Hello Commander!” She waved as the man passed by.

Hearing his name he looked up and smiled at her, waving back politely. He tried to walk over, but more paperwork was shoved in his face and he had no choice but to continue on. “I should go too.” Elise said. “Unless there was something else you needed me for?” 

“No, that’s all for now. Enjoy the rest of your afternoon Inq...Elise.” Josephine bowed her head and stood. 

Now that she didn’t have to hide from anyone, Elise wasn’t quite sure what to do now. This sense of freedom was a little overwhelming. She was so used to being confined in a single space that the vastness of Skyhold confused her, and she had found herself lost once again. Perhaps it was a bad idea to take that turn back there and go up the stairs, but there were some interesting paintings left on the walls she wanted to investigate. Upon further inspection it was just discolored rock and vines, and she had gotten lost for no reason. 

Tired and bothered, Elise decided to give up on her journey back temporarily and plopped down right on the floor, staring up at the ceiling. It was peaceful up here at least, even if she was completely lost. Elise closed her eyes, starting to drift off when a loud curse and a heavy weight on top of her woke her up. She probably would’ve gotten crushed if she didn’t summon a quick barrier around herself, pushing whoever fell on her off into the dirt.

“Sweet maker! What the hell was that!?” Cullen’s picked himself up off the ground, trying to find whatever he tripped on. When his eyes fell on Elise, all color drained from his face. “Maker’s breath, Elise! I’m so sorry! I apologize! I didn’t see you! Are you hurt? Are you okay what happened? What were you doing?” 

Elise laughed, picking herself up off the ground and brushed her hair out of her face. “No it’s not your fault Commander! I was the one laying on the ground.” 

“Why? You’re not hurt are you?” He asked, still very concerned. At least the color was coming back to his face. Mostly red in his cheeks. 

“I uhm... got lost.” She laughed nervously. “And it was peaceful in here so I decided to lay down... I know it’s not exactly the best place or idea. You’d think I’d learn my lesson. It’s happened at the circle before too. I’ve been stepped on by a sister or templar before.” 

“That doesn’t seem like the best of habits, no.” Cullen offered his hand. She smiled at him and took it, hoisting herself up. She stumbled, getting up too fast and fell against his chest. Cullen caught her easily, but their faces were merely inches apart. They both stepped back laughing nervously. “Right. Well, I can escort you back if you’d like. I’m sure you’ll get a better rest in your own bed. And hopefully a better chance to avoid being stepped on.. Again, I’m terribly sorry about that.” 

“That’s a good idea. Thank you Commander Cullen.” 

“Just Cullen is fine.” He said. “I... I mean, if we’re going on a first name basis. It only seems right to mutually get rid of the titles.” 

“Cullen then.” Elise nodded at him and smiled. 

“So, let’s get you back to your room.” He offered her his arm. She paused then reached out for him. 

“I’m glad you know your way around here Cullen. I’ve gotten lost so many times. Most of the time I’m not even hiding anymore, I just get lost.” 

Cullen snorted a laugh. “I’ll keep that in mind next time. Other than getting lost, how are you enjoying Skyhold?”

“It’s lovely actually. It’s strangely beautiful here.” Elise looked around, at all the crumbling debris, the nature taking back the stone. “There’s an odd magic here. It sort of... sings? It’s very, very quiet though. Comforting. And a little sad.” 

“Is that so?” Cullen asked, intrigued. He glanced over at Elise, her eyes lit up when she spoke. And she had a dreamy, wistful expression. 

“Mmn. It’s lovely here actually. I even enjoyed Haven too. Honestly anything is better than the circle.” 

“I was under the impression the Ostwick Circle was quite nice. A lot of noble mages were there.” Cullen answered. 

“...Yes. It was nice for most. But not everyone was so lucky.” Elise replied, her voice faltering. 

“I see.” Now he felt foolish. “I’m sorry.” 

“Nothing for you to be sorry about.” Elise shrugged, her eyes to the floor. “It’s over now. And besides, it wasn’t as if you were there, looming over and analyzing the residents.” She paused and glanced up. “Are you sure you know where we’re going Cullen? I’m positive I’ve seen this pile of rocks at least twice now.” 

“What? That can’t be. I’m fairly certain we’ve been walking in straight line.” He looked around and caught sight of a door. “Ah! See? There is the way out-” he threw the door open and was greeted by nothing but another endless corridor. “...side. Oh. Dammit.” 

Elise burst out into giggles. “Oh no! Well... we could retrace our steps.” She suggested. “Let’s - oh! Oh look at that!” Elise gasped. 

He panicked for just a second, thinking trouble. But then he saw her run down the hall where the ceilings and part of the wall had crumbled away, revealing the mountain range. Elise stood on her toes to peer out the hole better. The sun was setting in the distance so the sky was streaked with a brilliant array of purple, red, pink and orange. “Wow...” She whispered breathlessly. “Have you seen anything more beautiful?” 

Cullen looked up at Elise, bathed in colorful light, a smile on her lips and in her eyes. He smiled back at her, “No, I don’t believe I have.”


	3. Oops

It took a bit more wandering, but they finally managed to find their way back to a familiar location. Cullen and Elise parted ways in the garden. “Good night Elise.” He said, giving her a proper bow. “Sleep well.” 

“You too Cullen.” Elise awkwardly curtsied, not quite sure how to respond to his little formality. She paused at the base of the stairs, deciding to linger in the flowers a little longer and watched the commander go. She tried her best to ignore Varric’s snickering. 

 

“ _Kaffas!_ Dorian cursed as he moved back his chair and spotted a body curled up behind it. “Elise, you can sit in the chair if you’d like... or is this a weird circle thing?” 

Elise laughed nervously and took Dorian’s hand and unsquished herself from behind the chair. “No. I just... I don’t really know why I was there actually.” 

“It’s a bad hiding spot. Leliana is only a floor above us.” He mused, leaning against one of the many bookshelves. 

“No need to hide today. I have the day off. Well, as much as I could anyways as Inquisitor.” 

“How very kind of them... oh, don’t tell me you’re actually reading that drivel?” He took the book from her and tossed it over his shoulder. There was a thud and a loud curse down below, but he ignored it. “No, that’s no good. Not that any of the rest of these books are any better.” He waved his hand dismissively. 

“Hmm. Maybe I can ask for more books. Is there anything you recommend Dorian?” Elise asked him. “Or, if you don’t mind, maybe teach me a few things? You’re such a brilliant mage and-” 

“Say no more my dear Elise! I’d be more than happy to teach you some Tevinter techniques.” Dorian beamed. “Greatness recognizes greatness.” 

Another scoff downstairs Dorian ignored. 

“I’m getting so many lessons now. It feels strange. You’d think being Inquisitor I’d already know these things. At least the simple things. I don’t even know how to ride a horse! Blackwall is teaching me.” She sighed heavily. 

“Your willingness to learn is admirable Elise. A lot of leaders would reject any kind of improvement or growth.” Dorian shrugged. “Even if it is simple.” 

“I suppose. I guess it’s a good to break away from tradition at times.” 

“I can most definitely agree with that.” Dorian glanced through the books. “So, when would you like to start? We can begin later this afternoon if you’d like.” He was met with silence. “Elise?” 

A familiar glint of armor had caught her eye outside. She recognized Cullen right away, walking with a few other soldiers. She watched him with interest. He had such a steadfast expression on his face and was talking animatedly with his hands. She could tell all the way from here. She smiled, thinking of the sound of his voice. 

“Oh. I see... a certain dashing templar has caught your interests.” Dorian mused. 

“I... oh. He’s nice.” Elise flushed and turned away from the window. 

“Mmhm. Nice.” he repeated. “A nice ass.” 

“Yeah... oh! I-I mean-I-... oh no.” Elise covered her face in her hands, turning red from ears to ear. 

“I’m sure his personality is wonderful for a templar.” 

“Former templar. He’s not anymore.” Elise corrected, voice still muffled as she hid her face. 

“Alright.” Dorian chuckled and nudged Elise playfully. “He is handsome, I’ll give you that. So at least you have good taste.” 

“This is embarrassing! Let’s change the subject. Let’s talk about magic!” 

 

Later in the afternoon after Elise had a lovely chat with Dorian, she bid him goodbye and went down to the stables to join Blackwall for her riding lessons. When she turned the corner, she wasn’t surprised to see him there already waiting for him. “Are you ready Miss Elise?” He asked, giving her a smile. 

“Honestly, I’m a little nervous. They’re lovely when I’m standing next to them, but I’ve never actually had anything with a mind of its own between my legs.” Elise said, petting the mane of a spotted horse. 

Blackwall sputtered, trying his best to fight the color that was rising to his cheeks. Perhaps he’ll talk to her later about phrasing. Or leave that lesson to Josephine. “Alright, well, let’s get started. Let me tell you about the saddle.” 

Blackwall’s lesson had quite the detail. A lot of it went over Elise’s head. She hoped she didn’t need to retain all of this, and that the different leathers used for saddle bags weren’t necessary for actually riding the horse. She appreciated his enthusiasm however. It reminded her of Solas, who would often go on long tangents about thing she didn’t understand. He’d go into great detail with little to no explanation and eventually she would stop listening. 

Like now.

“There are also many types of horses and...” 

“Warden Blackwall, I believe you you may have lost our dear Elise’s attention.” Cullen’s voice caught her attention and she looked up, flustered again. He approached in full armor on his own horse. He looked just like a prince from a story. His steed was even white. 

“Good afternoon Cullen.” Elise greeted, trying not to look flustered. “Blackwall is teaching me how to ride a horse!” 

“Don’t you usually have to be on a horse for that?” Cullen smirked. 

“He’s teaching me the basics.” Elise explained. “I really was listening Blackwall! I wasn’t dozing off at all.” Her statement wasn’t very convincing. 

Blackwall made a face but laughed. “You’re right. I suppose we should just get you up there.” He said, holding his hand out to help her up. 

“It’s easiest if you grip onto the horn with your non dominate hand, so you can balance faster. And hop a bit when you first pull yourself up.” Cullen mentioned. He nudged his horse forward towards the stables and slid off gracefully. Elise watched him in awe. “I have some time. If you don’t mind Blackwall, I’ll stick around for some pointers.” 

“Not at all commander.” 

Elise walked up to the horse, it suddenly seemed so much taller than before. “Okay, left foot first.” She heard Cullen say. She needed a little boost but Elise managed to get her foot into the stirrup and then swung herself over. She did it! She was up there! Elise beamed down at the men who gave her proud smiles. “Excellent. Alright, make sure you keep balance. Back straight, shoulders even...” 

“This reminds me of my mother’s lessons at the dinner table.” Elise mused. “She used to make me balance a book on my head because I slouched so much.” Her posture still wasn’t all that great. “Considerably less wrist slaps though.” 

“Definitely less.” Blackwall touched her knee gently. “Try to hug the horse with your legs, keep your knees inwards and your heel down a little. Just like that.” 

“Relax too. The horse can tell when you’re tense.” Cullen chimed in. 

There was a lot more to riding than she thought! Everyone else made it look so easy! But after some time and more tips and pointers from Cullen and Blackwall, Elise was ready to ride. Unfortunately her horse wasn’t and stubbornly stood there, shaking his head. He wouldn’t even budge when Blackwall tried to lead him on foot. “Well... this is going well.” Elise laughed, patting the horse’s head. “Maybe he’s tired.” 

“Perhaps. Here, you can try with my horse. He’s generally pretty nice.” Cullen let out a whistle and his horse obediently approached. It even bowed its head as Elise approached to mount it. She was very impressed but a little intimidated. This horse was much taller than the one she tried earlier. “He’s usually pretty nervous about new riders so I’ll join you.” He swung up behind Elise, scooting a little closer. 

He reached around to take the reigns, putting them in her hands. His armor pressed against her back, his fur mantle draping around both of them. Elise hoped that her blush wasn’t too noticeable, and was glad the commander was sitting behind her. It wasn’t an uncomfortable position, in fact quite the opposite. The leather of his gloves was so soft, his hands covered hers easily. “Alright, gently now, nudge him forward.” His voice was right in her ear, breath warm against her skin, she had to stop herself from shivering at the sensation. 

Maker, he didn’t realize how compromising the position was until the horse started moving. He was practically embracing her. He hoped she didn’t turn around and see his face which he was sure was undoubtedly red. He had to just... play it off. It was an educational thing. Purely educational. But she felt so lovely in his arms. So slender and warm. 

“I think I got it now!” Elise’s voice pulled him out of these inappropriate thoughts. Elise was the Inquisitor after all. These were unnecessary feelings. She was out of his league. “You make it look so easy.” 

“You just need to get the hang of it.” Blackwall said. Cullen was glad Blackwall spoke for him, because he couldn’t get his voice to leave his throat. All he could focus on was her scent. It reminded him of the air before it rained, with lingering tones of wood finish and the slightest hint of something sweet from the kitchens.

A loud bang somewhere in the distance and the horse reared. Elise gasped in surprise as her head went back and right into Cullen’s nose. Lights sparkled in front of his eyes for a moment and he blinked several times trying to focus again and calm his horse down. He grabbed the reins again and tugged on them gently leading the horse in a circle. The quick trot calmed it down and it snorted, shaking its head. 

“Are you alright Elise?” He asked, she was rubbing the back of her head. They collided quite hard. 

“I’m fine. Are you o-oh! Oh no!” Elise gasped, clasping her hands over her mouth. “Cullen! Oh no Cullen I’m so sorry!” Her eyes watered up and Cullen finally noticed the wetness dripping from his nose. He reached up and looked down, spotting blood on his gloves. “Oh this is the worst! Cullen I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to! This is so embarrassing.” 

“It’s alright Elise! I’ve had worse earlier today.” He pinched the bridge of his nose to try to staunch the bleeding. 

“Here! I have... oh Cullen I’m so, so, sorry!” Elise struggled to turn and braced herself on the saddle so she could help him. She gingerly touched his face to try to assess the damage. 

“It’s alright Elise, really. The bleeding has already stopped.” he smiled at her, best he could. She said something else to him, probably another apology but he couldn’t focus because he realized her hand was resting on his inner thigh. A soft kerchief was pressed against his face. Elise has procured one from somewhere and was now trying to clean up the bleeding. She leaned over and gently wiped away the blood. Cullen was quite sure the bleeding stopped because all his blood was rushing downwards. She had moved her hand had moved further up his leg. Maker give him strength not to say or do anything stupid. 

“I’m sorry Cullen.” She said for probably the thousandth time, finally pulling away, unaware of her earlier positioning. “We should probably get off now. Before I end up injuring you again somehow.” Cullen could only nod in agreement, still at a loss for words as he slid off the horse. Elise managed to get off with little difficulty and dusted herself off. “I’m sorry again.” She sighed. 

“It’s quite alright Elise. Honestly.” Cullen smiled at her, holding the handkerchief to his face. “Hopefully this wont turn you away from riding forever. You did well honestly.” 

“Really? I mean... even with the whole...?” Elise gestured to her nose. 

“Usually you don’t have anyone riding behind you.” Blackwall laughed, deciding to lead the horses back to the stables. “We can continue again tomorrow.” 

“I’d love to! It’ll have to be in the morning though. I have some lessons with Dorian tomorrow in the afternoon, and I have to meet some Orlesian nobles or something.” She sighed. “It’s the nobles tomorrow right? Not the Chantry, Cullen?” she looked over her shoulder and noticed the commander had left. “Oh... oh dear. You don’t think he’s upset at me do you?” Elise turned to Blackwall who ruffled up her hair. 

“No. He’s just busy. Probably went to clean up.” He assured her. “Don’t worry about it Elise.” 

“Alright.” she didn’t seem too convinced, but she didn’t really have a choice but to move on. “Well, thank you again Blackwall. Hopefully it’ll go better next time.” 

 

Unfortunately Elise’s day wasn’t as fun as the one before. It was back to work and it was a long string of meetings and introductions to people she never heard of, from places she couldn’t even point out on a map. She had her advisors with her which helped, she sat between Cullen and Josephine as they met with an Arl, who was going on and on about some sort of politics. Retelling a story of a battle she once read about but never cared about. She had the hardest time keeping her eyes open and started nodding off. 

Cullen was having trouble himself. The Arl had the most monotonous voice, and he noticed everyone else was falling asleep too. A head against his shoulder told him that Elise was out for the count now too. Her breathing was slow and steady, he found himself counting her breaths as she slumbered beside him. She looked peaceful, more so than he had seen her in awhile. She snuggled up a little closer, getting comfortable on the fur of his cloak. He couldn’t help but smile as she got closer. “Ouch!” He yelped suddenly as a boot made hard contact with his knee. 

Elise had woken up from his exclamation and quickly sat up, turning her attention back to the Arl. As she sat up she narrowly missed ramming into Cullen’s nose again.“Is everything alright over there Commander?” he asked. 

“Ah yes. I’m fine. Just a muscle cramp. My apologies.” Cullen stammered, turning his attention to Leliana who sat across from him, her eyes narrowed at him, but only for a moment before she started writing something down. Cullen exchanged a look with Josephine who simply shrugged and went back to writing as well. 

The meeting finally ended and the Arl left, and Elise let out a loud yawn. “Goodness! What a terribly dull man.” she sighed, slumping into her chair. “He must have been some sort of demon or something because I think my brain has slipped right out of my ears.” She rubbed her eyes and yawned again. 

“I didn’t expect him to go on such a tangent.” Josephine shook her head. “I’ll make a note not to invite him to anymore meetings over meals. Oh dear, weren’t you supposed to be meeting up with Dorian half an hour ago Elise?” 

“Andraste’s tits!” Elise shot up and ran out the door, tripping over herself on the way out. 

Cullen laughed, watching her go and went to push in her seat. As he did, something caught his eye. He leaned down and picked up a small trinket. With closer inspection he realized it was a winged horse. It was small and made of porcelain, most of the paint had been rubbed off with age. He turned it over and noticed there was an inscription. It was very small but he managed to make out the words “For my song bird, Eli.” Well, that was adorable.

He supposed she would be wanting this back, so he put it in his pocket and decided to head out and find her. On the way out of the great hall, to his surprise, he crossed paths with Dorian. “Are your lessons over already?” He asked. 

“They barely even started. Elise was falling asleep on her feet, so I just decided to reschedule for later. Poor thing. You didn’t tire her last night ‘ _getting lost_ ’ in Skyhold again did you?” Dorian smirked. 

Cullen’s face turned red and he sputtered. “N-no! We were just... there was a meeting and I-” 

“If you say so Commander. If you’re looking for your lady, she went to her room.” Dorian tipped him a wink and headed off to the library. 

Cullen tried his best not to be so flustered as he headed to her quarters. He knocked on the door and waited. There was no answer, but that wasn’t unusual. There was a great distance between the actual room and the door. So he let himself in and called out to her. “Elise?” Nothing. Maybe she wasn’t in yet. If that was the case he could just put the trinket on her nightstand and move on with his day. 

He climbed the stairs and glanced into the room. Nothing so far. He shrugged and walked towards the bed. “Mmnn.” A voice from the bedding made him pause. Cullen turned and watched as the sheets shifted and Elise rolled over. 

All the blood left his face. Elise was fast asleep, but that wasn’t what made him freeze. The blankets shifted, rolling down to her waist, exposing her bare breasts. Cullen couldn’t pull his eyes away from her. Her skin was smooth and white, the swell of her breasts made pleasant curves along her slender body. “Maker’s breath...” he whispered, breathless. His heart was pounding in his chest, his legs were weak. He was afraid to move, any sound could wake her up. She’d never forgive him if she caught him here, staring like some sort of lecherous man. But what could he do? He watched her chest rise and fall slowly with every steady breath. Guilt and other feelings flooded his body. 

It took every ounce of willpower he had to get himself to move, setting the horse on the nightstand quickly and he walked out as quietly as possible. His armor clanged in his ears, he was sure she was going to wake up, but by the time he reached the door there was still no sign of her even stirring. Cullen closed the door behind him slowly, taking deep breaths as he stared at the floor, trying to purge the image from his head. But the more he thought about it, the clearer the image was. Cullen decided to make a beeline back to his room, locking the door behind him.


	4. Chapter 4

“Do you think he’s mad at me?” Elise whispered to Iron Bull as she watched Cullen cross the courtyard. In the last few days, they hardly saw each other. Every time she tried to talk to him, Cullen would suddenly remember something he needed to do, and on more than one occasion, literally run away from her. So Elise spent her day sulking with Iron Bull and avoiding any real work.

“Because of his nose?” Iron Bull asked. He looked down and saw Elise staring up at him with those sad blue eyes. He laughed and ruffled up her hair. “He is the Commander of the Inquisition army. I’m sure he’s busy.”

“I guess... I just want to talk to him though. I thought we were really getting along! Now he avoids me... maybe it’s because I’m a mage.” Elise glanced at her staff, leaning up against the wall. It did look a little intimidating. She wished it didn’t have to be adorned with a skull. Maybe she could find something to make it nicer... 

“I can bet my life that that isn’t the reason.” Iron Bull said. “I can talk to him for you if you’d like. Rough him up.” 

“No!” Elise gasped. “Don’t do that please!” 

“Relax boss, I was kidding.” Iron Bull clapped her on the back. Elise nearly fell off the bench from the force. “You should just corner him and make him talk to you. Demand those answers!” 

“Can you really see doing that?” Elise gave him a look. 

“In the same way I can see a nug cornering a mabari.” 

“I saw a really cute mabari the other day. He was really fat.” Elise mused, sipping her tea. “Wait, did you just call me a nug?” She put her tea and wrinkled her nose at him. 

“You’re a lot cuter than a nug honestly.” Krem replied sitting beside her. Elise turned bright red and hid her face in her cup. 

“That reminds me. If you ever manage to talk to Cullen, ask if I can borrow his trebuchets. Krem sews these little nugs, and I want to see how far they’d fly.” Bull nudged her gently. “It’ll be fun.” 

“...That does sound fun.” Elise looked between the two of them. What a bunch of trouble makers. Their shenanigans did help her take her mind off things at least. 

 

Cullen didn’t mean to avoid Elise. Just every time he saw her, all he could think about was the other day when walked into her room while she was sleeping. It brought a whole storm of feelings he wasn’t sure how to deal with. Things he hadn’t felt in ages, things he didn’t know he could ever feel again. Every time she approached his heart started hammering and all the words left his mouth. Running away seemed like the best solution. 

At least, until a certain Qunari cornered him in his office and growled at him about giving some respect to their leader and stop running away. He wanted to explain to The Iron Bull exactly what happened, but he had a feeling that would only make things worse. So to avoid any further conflict, he agreed he’d see her off when she left for Crestwood Village the next day.

Later that night, the commander was surprised when he was approached by Dorian, challenging him to a game of Chess. He had caught wind that he played and wanted to test out the commander’s skill. It was a nice distraction from trying to figure out how to approach Elise again.

Halfway through the game, a familiar voice caught his attention.“Good evening.” He looked up and saw Elise approaching. Cullen jumped up to his feet, nearly knocking the table over, earning a few choice words from the Tevinter. 

“Inqui-Elise!” Cullen panicked, not sure what to do.

“Leaving are you? Does this mean I win?” The other man smirked.

“Oh, please, don’t stop on my account!” Elise told them. Cullen sat down again, not one to decline such a challenge. And besides, Elise told them to continue. 

“Alright. Your move.” Cullen told Dorian. This would be a quick match, he could see the end already. 

“You need to come to terms with my inevitable victory. You’ll feel much better.” The mage moved a piece forward. 

“Really? Because I just won, and I feel fine.” Cullen leaned back against his chair and grinned widely. 

“Don’t get smug. There will be no living with you.” Dorian stood up and walked to Elise. “I’m afraid we’ll have to reschedule our study session for later. I just remembered I have something to do.” He tipped a wink that Cullen wasn’t sure if it was directed at him or Elise.

“Err... Alright.” Elise watched him go, which left her and Cullen in the garden. 

Now he felt awkward. Glad he won, but this was very strange, being alone with Elise again. “I should return to my duties...” Cullen realized running away would just make things worse. Elise shouldn’t get ditched twice. “Unless... you would care for a game.” He gestured to the now empty seat. 

“Oh... uhmm okay.” Elise sat down in the chair, sitting in her peculiar way of tucking her legs under herself, shrinking down in the seat. 

Cullen reset the board, trying to avoid eye contact for now. “As a child, I played this with my sister. She would get this stuck up grin whenever she won - which was all the time. My brother and I used to practice together for weeks. The look on her face when I finally won.” He glanced up and saw her smiling at him. His heart skipped a beat. He kept speaking to avoid any awkwardness he might feel. “Between serving the templars and the Inquisition... I haven’t seen them in years. Wonder if she still plays.” Oh no, he just remembered what Elise had said about her brothers... maybe this wasn’t the best subject. 

“I remember you said something about having siblings.” Elise glanced over all the pieces.

“Two sisters and a brother.” He answered, surprised she asked about it. This wasn’t so bad. 

“Where are they now?” Elise tilted her head to the side. 

“They moved to South Reach after the blight. I do not write to them as often as I should...” he started the game. 

“I don’t write to my family very often either... actually, I don’t think I have since I left for the Temple... I suppose I really should.” Elise’s voice was quiet, contemplative. She was staring at the board in stern concentration, biting her lip. “I was never big on writing though. Brings back all these flashbacks of childhood, taking penmanship classes.” 

“Penmanship classes? I didn’t know there was even such a thing!” Cullen laughed. 

“Oh yes. I write left handed normally. But apparently it’s too unusual, so my father suggested I take penmanship classes so I can switch hands. Honestly I think taking those kinds of classes is more odd than writing with a different hand. And when he found out I had magic...” She mused, finally pushing a piece forward. An interesting strategy Cullen thought. 

“Well, the lessons did well I suppose. Your handwriting is very neat.” He recalled many of the notes she had scrawled. “And it’s quite the talent to be able to write with both hands.” 

“Thank you Cullen. That’s how I decided to keep on taking those lessons honestly.” Elise folded her hands in her lap, eyes never leaving the board. It was almost as if she was expecting something. What, Cullen had no clue, but it was amusing to watch. The way her brows furrowed in concentration, her tongue swiped over her lips lingering in the corners. “I want to know more about your family Cullen! They seem like lovely people...This game will be good practice for when you see your sister again.” 

The game passed by surprisingly quickly. Elise looked up at Cullen, watching him carefully, taking in all his features. His eyes were so focused and determined, hands were folded tightly in front of his mouth, hiding a smirk here and there. Elise was pretty sure she could hear the gears in his head turning as he thought. She was completely unaware that he had been watching her as well. He looked up and their eyes met. They both shied away and laughed. 

“I think this is the longest we’ve gone without discussing the Inquisition, or related matters. To be honest, I appreciate the distraction.” He told her. 

“...We should spend more time together.” Oh, Elise said that without thinking. Well, she was taking Bull’s advice somewhat. This wasn’t exactly cornering, but she was blunt. Blunt for her standards.

Cullen immediately felt guilty, avoiding her so much. But it felt nice to hear her say that, it brought a smile to his face “I would like that.” He was about to move a piece but paused. “...It seems that this game is yours. I must be getting rusty.” 

Elise’s brows raised. “That’s impossible.” She gasped. 

“You won fair and square.” Cullen shrugged, leaning back against his chair.

“Impossible because I have no idea how to play! I was just pushing pieces around the board!” She uncrossed her legs from under her. “Honestly!” She held up her hands in defense. Cullen glanced at the board then back up at her, before bursting into laughter. 

“Perhaps I do need to practice more.” Cullen mused. He listened to her laughter, it rang in his ears like bell chimes. He felt silly for being so enthralled by it. He knew she had spent most of the time in the circle, but the way she laughed sometimes reminded him of the high nobles, hiding behind their fans as they tittered and laughed. Elise was hiding her laugh behind the scarf around her neck. That reminded him, “I have something for you Elise.” 

“You do?” Elise’s laughter faded, replaced by curiosity. 

“Well, it’s yours. Well, not really. I couldn’t get your kerchief cleaned... so I had to find a new one. And it... well I felt embarrassed not being able to return it, so I had to keep avoiding... you until... I had a replacement...” That sounded more and more idiotic the more he went on.

Was that why he was avoiding her? He wanted to give her the handkerchief back? Elise burst out into laughter again. His face made her try to stifle it quickly. “No! Oh no! I’m sorry Cullen! That’s so sweet of you.” She smiled at him. “I was just... I thought you were angry at me for hitting you so hard.” 

“Maker’s breath. I’m sorry Elise! I could never be angry at you. Especially for something like that.” Her laugh was contagious and he snickered as well. He reached into his pocket and pulled out another handkerchief, putting it in her hands. 

It wasn’t anything special, just plain white, with little lace edgings. To Elise, it was the most special thing she could have ever received. She held it in her hands, as well as his. They were warm, even without the gloves. His hands were rough, but still so gentle. “It was silly of me to think that anyways.” She said, embarrassed. 

“Honestly it was my fault as well. I should have just been honest. I didn’t want to avoid you at all.” He told her, gently squeezing her hands. They felt so nicely in his own. Such small hands, soft, but calloused in places where she gripped her staff. 

“We should spend more time together.” Elise repeated, leaning in. 

“You said that.” Cullen found himself drawing closer to her. 

The doors to the garden opened and loud chatter pulled them away quickly. Elise shrunk back into her seat, letting go of his hands, but still kept the kerchief in her grasp. “It’s getting late... I should go. I’m leaving very early tomorrow.” 

“Of course. Sleep well Elise... please be careful out there.” 

“I promise.” 

 

Elise had been gone for nearly three weeks, and much to Cullen’s relief, she was returning that afternoon. He found himself distracted from work, and every time someone had come through the main gates, Cullen would find himself leaving his office to see who it could be. So far there was no sign of their Inquisitor. His reports had told him they managed to capture Caer Bronach successfully, which was a relief, but anything could have happened between now and then. 

It wasn’t until later in the night did the doors open again. Torches lit, carriages and wagons rolling through, the clattering of armor and weapons, people shouting. There didn’t seem to be distress, just loud celebrations as the party walked through the main gate. Cullen working late as usual, peered out more than happy to see Elise. He set his paperwork down and quickly made his way to the gates. 

“Welcome back.” he greeted her, watching as Elise came strolling in, looking proud on top of her horse.

“I rode the horse by myself the whole way back.” She beamed at him. “I had to ride with Dorian the way there, but I managed on the trip returning.” Elise was more than grateful to take Cullen’s hand and lowered herself off the horse. She winced as she hit the ground. “I didn’t realize that horseback riding would make my thighs ache so much.” she sighed. 

“A good hard ride usually leaves more than the thighs hurting.” Iron Bull chuckled as he passed by. 

“My back hurts too actually.” Elise replied, oblivious to the double entendre. “I am so exhausted.” Elise sighed. She definitely looked it; the dark circles around her eyes, and the haggard expression really sold the statement.

“You should go rest then. I’ll take care of the rest of things.” Cullen suggested, touching her arm. She flinched again and he quickly drew his hand back. 

“I’m just a bit sore still. I wasn’t paying attention and I was caught by an axe. I deflected just in time to not lose my arm, but they still did quite a number on me. Solas said it will probably scar, but I’ll have full use of my arm again in a few days if I keep up on the potions.” Elise explained. “It’s a really pretty axe though. The Iron Bull took it, the center matches my staff now” Always so positive. 

“Well, even more reason to rest then. Let me take care of things.” he said. 

“I wanted to tell you about the giant spider under the... under the keep.” Elise tried and failed to stifle a big yawn. “It was actually kind of cute.” 

“Cute? I think you’ve been hanging around Iron Bull too much. Or you’re too tired to realize what you’re saying.” Cullen chuckled. “Go rest Elise. Or I’ll be forced to carry you to bed my...self.” Oh Maker that sounded way worse than he wanted it to. 

“Okay okay. I’ll go now.” Elise waved her hand at him, yawning again. Again, blissfully unaware of the double meaning of his words. Cullen was so very grateful that she didn’t seem to realize. That would have been horribly embarrassing. “Goodnight Cullen.” 

 

Finding sleep was difficult, despite the long day. Elise had returned with quite a bit of inventory, and recording it all was quite the task, and even after such a boring job he didn’t find himself tired. That was a lie. He was very tired, but sleep didn’t sound the least bit refreshing.

The cold air on the other hand, felt cool against his skin. It was late, very late. Nearly the whole fortress was sleeping, so Cullen thought it’d be alright to leave his armor behind as he walked along the battlements. The walk wasn’t as calming as he wanted, his mind was muddled with many dark thoughts. Memories of the past. They haunted him like waking nightmares. 

But something cut straight through his demons. A voice, distant but close enough for him to follow. They were talking, no, singing. It was a very lovely voice, one he recognized, but couldn’t quite place. 

 

“ _Somebody hears you, you know that. You know that inside. Someone is learning the colors of all your moods, to say just the right thing and know that you're understood. Here you're kno-_ oh! Cullen!” Elise gasped startled by the figure that came up beside her. Thank the Maker it was dark because she was pretty sure she was completely red faced, caught singing to herself in the middle of the night. “I almost didn’t recognize you. Your armor...” She cleared her throat and scrambled to stand up. 

“It was a little too warm in all that... well, it’s not like I sleep in it.” 

“There was speculation that you did.” Elise teased him. They shifted closer to each other, feeling odd standing so far apart in the dark. She was very surprised to see Cullen out of his armor. He almost didn’t look like the same man anymore. Not in a bad way of course. Something strangely intimate about seeing him out of all that metal plating. 

Cullen was having the same thoughts about Elise. Her armor wasn’t as heavy as his own. No metal chest plates or spiked gauntlets, normally he saw her in layers of mage robes and lightmail. But now, she was just wearing a thin, loose tunic and soft leather breeches. Her outfit was hardly any different from his own, or anyone else, but he couldn’t help but admire the way the tunic fell off one shoulder. He could see all the bandages there from her previously mentioned injury. He was suddenly reminded of the time he accidentally saw her sleeping topless and he became very grateful for the lack of lighting to cover his face. 

“It’s a little odd you’re on patrol without any armor.” Elise finally said, to break the silence. “Or sword.” 

“I was just on a walk actually. You didn’t get lost again did you? Where are your shoes?” he noticed that she was completely barefoot. He wouldn’t be entirely surprised if Elise told him that she was looking for a midnight snack and somehow managed to get on the battlements. She had an odd talent for things like that. 

“I was walking as well!" She answered. "Oh. Right. It's an embarrassing story: I was walking through the stables and of course I stepped in something unpleasant so I just... took them off.” Cullen let out a snort of laughter. He could imagine the scene very clearly. 

“Maker, you’re shaking Elise! You should get inside.” Cullen realized, scolding himself for not noticing sooner. “My room is closer. You can borrow my coat and I’ll take you to your room.” He said walking back towards the tower he claimed as his quarters. 

“Okay.” Elise was surprised with herself. She didn’t even think twice to follow after Cullen even catching up to him easily. 

“Wait.” Cullen stopped abruptly and she smacked right into his back. 

“Ouch!” She squeaked, rubbing her nose. 

“I apologize Elise, there’s some broken glass.” He heard it crunch under his boots earlier. He must have gone mad, because Cullen wasn’t exactly sure what was going through his mind, but it wasn’t until it was too late did he realize what he was doing. In one swift movement he had reached back and picked Elise up and off her feet and was holding her easily in his arms. She was so light, and fit so well against his chest. 

Elise turned bright red, eyes wide as she found herself cradled against the commander’s body. Words couldn’t even form and she stared up at his steadfast and determined face. Unaware that he was also trying not to look down at her, shutting up only to avoid saying anything awkward and inappropriate. 

All he could think about was how slender she was. He didn’t know she was this thin. She wore so many layers that he never took notice. Not that he really should be noticing those kinds of things... but he picked her up without any effort at all. This was so inappropriate. She was the Inquisitor! He shouldn’t be carrying her like this... But then he felt her arms wrap around his neck, gentle, a surprisingly warm embrace. All thoughts left his head as she felt her cold nose nuzzle against his neck. 

“You’re really warm...” A loud yawn followed her voice, muffled against his skin. Cullen was very glad no one saw him as they reached his quarters. He set her down the minute he stepped inside. 

Elise was having a hard time letting go of him. He was so wonderfully warm and comfortable. She did eventually, realizing she couldn’t cling on to him forever. “Maker, Cullen you don’t actually climb up and down that ladder every night do you?” She gawked. She had been in his office many times before, but this was the first time she really looked around. 

“A lot of times I fall asleep at my desk.” Cullen admitted, pausing halfway up the ladder. 

“What if you get hungry?” She asked. Cullen laughed. 

“I have snacks up there actually.” He rarely ever ate them. “It’s nice most nights up here. I don’t mind the cold.” 

“...Now I’m curious.” Elise decided to follow after Cullen. “I mean... if it’s alright with you.” 

“Of course.” He climbed up to the top and held his hand out to her. 

“Oh.” Elise wasn’t quite sure what to expect coming up here. Definitely not this. She felt a little odd now, her room was so well put together in comparison. For one thing, Cullen’s room had massive holes in the ceiling, the trees were dropping leaves on the floor, which also had a few holes here and there. The bed was surprisingly unmade - Cullen seemed like the type to always be neat about it - and there was just... a lot of stuff everywhere. Paperwork, books, his armor, a few other clothes here and there. 

“...I deeply apologize for the mess Elise.” Cullen said slowly, feeling terribly ashamed. 

“Please don’t apologize Cullen! I... this is going to sound unusual, but I actually think it’s amusing. I always thought you were so neat and clean and... I’m not calling you a slob or anything... oh dear. I just mean, it’s... nice to see you so relaxed.” 

“I don’t know if I’d call this relaxed.” Cullen replied, confused now. 

“I’m sorry. I’m not judging honestly! I’m just a little tired. I’m not making any sense.” Elise shuffled in her spot. Cullen wasn’t sure what else to say so he just took a blanket from his bed and draped it around her. 

“You can just rest here if you want.” No, that wasn’t what he was going to say! Dammit. He must have been tired too, he was saying all sorts of inappropriate things now. But it was too late to take back the offer, that’d just make things worse. 

“But where will you sleep?” She asked him. “I can’t kick you out of your own bed.” 

“I’ll be fine Elise. I have a bit more work to do anyways.” Cullen rubbed the back of his neck, trying his best to avoid eye contact. 

“It’s so late! You shouldn't be working this far into the night." Elise could see she could not convince him otherwise. "I’ll just... warm up and you can take your bed back. Alright?” 

It would be foolish to say no to that face. “Alright Elise.” 

“I never told you about the spider.” Elise added on sleepily. She laid down in his bed, wrapping herself around one of his pillows. “It was fluffy and white. And actually quite soft. Like cotton...” Her voice grew more and more quiet, drawn out, eyes drooping. 

Cullen fidgeted and watched. Unsure of what to do. It was wholly inappropriate to let her sleep here. But she was exhausted, it was cold, and his bed was the closest. It wasn’t as if he’d do anything inappropriate. He would never. Never in a hundred thousand years. She was safe here. He swore his life to the Inquisition, which meant the Inquisitor as well. Especially the Inquisitor. The perfect leader. She was smart, funny, kind, incredibly beautiful. 

No. What was he thinking? This was terribly inappropriate. Cullen sighed, climbing back down the stairs, pacing back and forth in his office. He couldn’t be thinking these kinds of things! Besides, how could she possibly feel anything for him? He had done monsterous things in the past, especially to mages. He was a Templar, and she a Circle Mage. He could never miss the slight flinches and hesitation whenever he approached her in his armor. It was nothing like the templar armor, he made sure of it, but he knew the reflex was still there. He didn’t deserve her. He didn’t deserve anyone like her. 

Perhaps he should wake her. Have her sleep in her own room. He shouldn’t have her in this run-down tower. Yes, that seemed like the best course of action. After pacing for several more minutes, weighing any more options he could possibly have, Cullen climbed back up the ladder. Elise was fast asleep, her breathing deep and steady. Dammit, he couldn’t wake her. That’d be too cruel. But she couldn’t stay here. Not that he didn’t want her here, it was quite the opposite. But she should be sleeping in her own bed. It was probably more comfortable anyways. 

How to approach this? He didn’t want to wake her up. She was very light, he could just carry her back? It was late enough that he could get there without anyone noticing. That was the best course of action for now. Cullen scooped her up easily, but he noticed that she had taken his bear fur hostage. He didn’t try to pry it away from her yet and carried her down in one arm easily. He fell a bit at the end, but managed to land on his feet. Elise didn’t even make a sound and continued to sleep deeply. 

The Maker must have been feeling kind that day because he didn’t run into a single person on the way to Elise’s room. He made sure to surround her with her pillows when he set her down on the bed, and tucked her in. He tried to get his coat back, but she had a death grip on it. He could do without for a night. 

Cullen gently brushed her hair out of her face. “Goodnight Elise.” He whispered, leaning in close. His lips barely brushed against her temple before he pulled himself away. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song she's singing is The Hymn of Acxiom by Vienna Teng. The song has no real meaning to the plot/story. It was just what was playing while I was writing. Good timing because the song right after was a Kanye song. Which would have been amusing, but very odd.


	5. Wants And Needs

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry everyone! It's been a crazy few months unfortunately. I'm moving, then had to find new roommates, job troubles, life troubles, etc etc. But I'm back now! For the most part! Hopefully I'll be back to a regular updating schedule again. 
> 
> Thank you all for staying with me and continuing to read my works! It's greatly appreciated!

The sun slowly rose over the mountains, the soft light of dawn creeped over Skyhold. The sounds of the morning filled his ears, pulling Cullen out of his slumber. It was a brisk start to the morning, the cold settling into his room, the incomplete ceiling doing little to keep out the day. He pulled the blankets around himself more, shutting his eyes tighter, wondering how much longer he could force himself to stay in bed before duty pulled him away. 

His bed shifted unnaturally, forcing his eyes open. Cullen turned and propped himself up on his elbows. Was he still dreaming? The edges of his vision were blurry, but in the center of his vision was unmistakably... 

“Elise?” His voice was rough from the morning, sleep still clung to him.

“Cullen...” The way she said his name made his heart skip a beat. 

“G-good morning Elise... what... what are you doing here?” He stammered, sitting up more. He realized that she was sitting on the edge of the bed, wrapped up in his cloak. His brain was slow to process the situation, still plagued with slumber.

“I wanted to thank you.” She said, brushing her dark hair out of her face. “For last night.” 

“It was nothing.” Cullen replied. His mouth went dry as she crawled across the bed, closer to him. He tried to flinch away but he couldn’t move. 

“But you kept me so warm last night.” Elise tugged at the strings that kept the cloak closed. “I’m here to return the favor.” She shrugged the mantle off her shoulders, revealing nothing but bare skin underneath. 

All the blood left his face. His jaw went slack and he could do nothing but stare at the body now exposed before him. His eyes trailed down her beautiful body. Every inch of milky-white skin. There were freckles dotted along her shoulders and over her chest, he swallowed hard as his gaze reached her breasts. She was moving closer to him, crawling across the bed until she was positioned between his legs, looming over him. 

Any words he tried to speak were swallowed up by a kiss. Hot, passionate. Her lips were so soft. She pressed him back against the bed, taking his hands and placing them against her chest. He felt the fullness of her breasts, her nipples pressed against his palms. “Cullen...” She whispered breathlessly against his lips. “Cullen...” She called out again, a little louder this time. 

One of her hands left his to pull the blankets away. “Cullen.” he loved the way his name sounded in her voice. She moved away, but he chased her back to kiss her again, his hands wandering over her body. “Commander...” Maker, he didn’t expect that to sound so...   
“Commander!” Wait, was she mad? 

“Commander Cullen!” 

Cullen woke with a jolt. The sudden action made a cold pain travel down his neck. He was not in his room, but he was in his tower. In his office, at his desk, paperwork sprawled out around him. He looked around, rubbing his eyes. “I’m sorry to wake you, but Lord Frederick is here and has been waiting for some time now.” The soldier stood across his desk awkwardly. 

Maker, Cullen prayed to the god with every fiber of his being that he didn’t act out any of his highly inappropriate dream. He was very grateful that his desk was so large however, and put a considerable distance between himself and the soldier, and hid the problem in his leathers. “T-thank you. I apologize. It’s been a long night. I’ll be out in a minute.” He said, mouth dry. It seemed like an eternity before he was alone again. Cullen took a deep breath and let it out slowly, closing his eyes. 

They flew back open. The memories of his dream flooded back to him. Her naked body, full lips, deep blue eyes staring into his very soul. His heart was hammering in his chest. How could he have such a dream!? She was the Inquisitor! It was completely inappropriate, their relationship as it is was already teetering on something they should be doing. He was undeserving of her. She was way out of his league. She was so beautiful... 

Cullen slammed his fist down on his desk. He had to purge these thoughts from his head. Especially those kinds. Elise would never do anything like that... and with someone like him? He ran his hands through his hair, staring at the wood of his desk. 

 

The Inquisitor had a much easier morning. Although had just as much difficulty returning to reality. Her bed was so warm and comfortable. She curled up in all her blankets, humming to herself happily. She wriggled around, taking in the smell of her linens, and something slightly different. It was a very familiar smell. Soft, pleasant... elderflower? Where did she recognize this? 

Elise slowly opened her eyes, she had a strange feeling that she wasn’t alone in the room.

“Are you awake Elise?” Leliana called out. “I’m sorry to disturb you, but you’re going to be late for your meeting with the Countess.” A short pause, “How kind of the commander to lend you his coat.” 

“Hmn?” Elise mumbled sleepily and looked down. She stared down at the mess of blankets and pillows and Cullen’s cloak bundled around her waist. She also realized that she was wearing nothing but her small clothes. Elise squealed and covered herself up. 

“Nothing I haven’t seen.” Leliana shrugged and turned when the door opened again. 

“Elise!” Josephine’s voice echoed as she came up the stairs. “Oh! We didn’t interrupt anything did we?” She burst out into giggles, hiding them unsuccessfully behind her clipboard. “Commander? Are you hiding in the closet?” 

“He’s in a meeting. But he was generous enough to leave a souvenir behind.” The spymaster mused.

“No! No it wasn’t like that. I just... I went for a walk last night and I ran into Cullen-Commander Cullen and he lent me his coat because it was cold.” Elise tripped over her words, her face as red as beets. 

“No wonder you were cold...” Josephine smirked.

“I was wearing clothes!” Elise protested. “I just... have a bad habit of kicking them off at night.” 

“Even in the circle?” Leliana asked. Elise just hid her face in the pillows. Her two advisors shared an amused glance. “Meet us in Josie’s office when you’re ready then.” 

Elise had the horrible feeling that Leliana knew everything. The mage could spin any story but the spymaster would know the truth. She probably even saw them walking together. 

It didn’t take long for her to get ready and she quickly appeared in Josephine’s office. Her ambassador was grinning widely as she approached. She gave her a knowing smile, but Elise just blushed. There was nothing to know! “So, to brief you about our guest...” 

Before she could continue the door opened and Blackwall walked in. “Oh. Good morning Elise.” he said. “I uh, found your shoes outside the barn this morning. I have to admit I was a little confused not to see the rest of you near by, but I’m glad you’re alright.” 

“Oh. Right...” Elise laughed nervously. “Sorry about that. You can just throw them away. I don’t think they’re worth saving.” 

“Alright. Well... you’re busy so I’ll leave you be.” He said, clearing his throat. 

“Those are pretty flowers.” Elise noted the bundle in his hand. Blackwall sputtered something she couldn’t quite make out and ran off. “That was odd.” She said, turning back to Josephine, but noticed something out of the corner of her eye. The very same type of flowers were sitting in a lovely vase on the corner of Josie’s desk. Now it was her turn to give the ambassador a silly grin. 

“The Countess is willing to donate quite a bit of funds to the Inquisition if you’re willing to lend some Inquisition forces to her aide.” Leliana interrupted, getting back to business as always. Elise was happy she was around during times like these because Elise often got sidetracked. 

“Oh. Right, right. Aide her in what?” Elise asked.

Again, Leliana was interrupted by the door opening. The spymaster rolled her eyes. This time Cullen walked in. “I’m sorry I’m late!” He said. “Lord Frederick wouldn’t stop going on about making sure his nephew was placed correctly among the ranks.” He scoffed. He looked up, spotting Elise and immediately tried to keep his blood out of his face and out of his trousers. He cleared his throat and looked away. Elise was less successful in hiding her color but turned away as well, trying to focus on the task at hand. Right, business. Inquisition things, meetings and people she didn’t know. 

The meeting was quick, and Elise thought she was free to go right away, but the discussion afterwards took way longer than expected. Everyone had their own solutions and couldn’t seem to reach a middle ground. Elise stayed quiet, watching her advisors argue amongst themselves. Cullen thought it would be a waste of time and effort, but Leliana figured if they just sent a small group of precise assassins the problem would just disappear. Josephine wanted to be diplomatic about the whole thing, send a couple of dignitaries out to deal with it for them. 

Having no experience in any of this outside of the three other council meetings she had with the trio, Elise literally sat this one out. She had plopped down onto the floor, propping her head up in her hands, wishing she at least got breakfast. 

Eventually, Josephine left the fray and joined Elise by the wall, sitting down beside her, watching Cullen and Leliana argue. Cullen didn’t seem to be in a very good mood. His tone was sharper than she was used to, his brows furrowed, glaring at Leliana. She had heard they weren’t exactly the best of friends, but this was something else. He was fine the night before, maybe something happened before the meeting that turned his mood sour. 

“I thought the commander would be in a better mood.” Josephine echoed Elise’s thoughts. The mage shrugged, not sure what to say. “Especially after last night.” 

“Nothing happened last night!” Elise said, keeping her voice down so the other two wouldn’t hear her. “We ran into each other on the battlements while taking a walk. Then it was really cold and he let me borrow his coat. The shoes were before the fact.” Else tried to explain, cheeks pink. “I went to my room afterwards when I was tired.” No, that didn’t seem right. Why couldn’t she remember what happened? “He was fine last night.” she continued, she’d save those troubles for another time. “Maybe he didn’t sleep well? His room has that giant hole in the ceiling.” Oh, things were starting to come together now, she was in his room for awhile. She wanted to look around. The rest of the night was still fuzzy, she must have been more tired last night than she thought. 

“Honestly, the decision is up to the Inquisitor.” Leliana said. “Elise, what do you thi-” She trailed off, realizing that Elise was no longer standing beside her, and was now sitting on the floor with Josephine. She cleared her throat and Elise looked up. 

“Oh. I’m sorry Leliana, I sort of... stopped listening earlier.” Elise admitted. 

“...I apologize. The commander got carried away.” Leliana replied, putting her hands behind her back and ignoring the face Cullen made at her. Elise just smiled at them both, hoping to ease the tension as she got up, back cracking. 

“Ugh I’m old.” She mumbled to herself before smoothing out her clothing. “From what I heard, I think we should send just a small party there, scout the area, see what we should do. Get a first hand look at what is going on. Then if we can settle this with words we will. And if it needs force, then so be it. Show them what the Inquisition forces are like. It’ll be good publicity right?” She looked back at Josephine who nodded her head in approval. 

“A good answer.” Leliana said, bowing her head. “You’re much better at this than you think.” She added on. 

“Thank you! I don’t believe you, but thank you!” Elise grinned, feeling proud. “Is that it for now then?” She asked. 

“For now, yes.” Josephine told her, putting her notes in order. 

“Excellent! I’m starving. Cu-oh.” The door slammed shut and Cullen was nowhere to be seen. Elise shuffled in her spot nervously, staring at the door. 

“It’s been a long morning for him.” Josephine put her hand on Elise’s shoulder. “Let’s get lunch.” 

“Yes! Wait, no. I forgot I have to meet up with Solas and Dorian.” Elise slumped her shoulders. She was so hungry! Maybe on the way over there she’ll pout at them and they can get food first. 

“Next time! I promise.” Elise said. She left the stuffy war room and headed back out. She walked through Josephine’s office, enjoying the smell of the fireplace, and the flowers - which had doubled in size since their meeting - on her desk. Out in the great hall, she opened the door that lead straight up to the library where Solas and Dorian would be waiting for her. She placed a boot on the first step, but did not go further. Elise bit her lip, the gears in her mind turning. The mage took a step back and headed in the opposite direction. 

 

Cullen was all too familiar with running away from women. There was a pang of guilt every time he thought about it. Reaching his office, he closed the door behind him, leaning against it, heart hammering in his chest. His armor felt heavier than usual, his skin cold and clammy. Slow steps took him across the room, and with shaking hands, he reached for his lyrium kit. 

The minute his fingers brushed against wood, he drew back as if scalded. No, he shouldn’t, he couldn’t. Withdrawal mocked him in the back of his mind. 

_“You’re weak without it”_  
“You’re weak for needing it.”   
“You’re weak.” 

Whispered taunts made him shiver, hands clenched at his sides tightly. 

“Cullen.” A voice mocking him. Called out to him. It was sweet, haunting. It reminded him of when he was young. A demon in disguise. “Cullen?” Louder again. He noticed it was different from the other voices. It reminded him of his dream... and now he was flushed for an entirely different reason. He had to do something about this. Anything. Cullen turned sharply and his breath was taken from him. 

Blue eyes stared at him, no, through him. Clear as day. Clearer than he had seen in his dream. “Cullen are you alright?” 

Oh maker she was real! 

Cullen stood up straight, pushing the box aside. “I-Inquisitor! I m-mean Elise! Hello!” He stammered awkwardly. 

Elise just gave him a warm smile that calmed his heart. “Hello... are you feeling well? You seemed a little... off this morning. I was worried that last night-” 

“Nothing was wrong last night! I enjoyed it very much!” He realized he interrupted her and quickly clamped his jaw shut. He watched her fidget in front of him and tried his best to keep his gaze downward, but it kept trailing back over to her face. 

“I enjoyed our walk too.” She said. “So you’re ok then? You’re not getting sick are you?” Her brows furrowed in concern. 

“No. Forgive me for worrying you. I just,” how could he put this without completely embarrassing himself? “Had a rough start this morning. I promise I won’t let my moods affect my performance and conduct again.” 

“It’s alright Cullen!” Elise said a bit louder than she wanted. She waved her hands about in front of her before deciding to sit on them against his desk. “Really.” She added on a bit more calmly. “Everyone has their bad days. You especially deserve yours. Sometimes I feel like everyday is a bad day since the conclave...” She sighed heavily, her hands unable to stay still and she reached up to play with her hair. “But you make them better.” For a moment their eyes met and they both turned away quickly, nervous laughter shared between them. “And the others too.” 

“Thank you Elise.” Cullen answered slowly. He had a million other things he wanted to say, but he only allowed that to pass through. He felt calmer now at least. 

“Would you uhm. Would you like to get dinner tonight? T-The Iron Bull suggested I should really get to know everyone better, and I figured I could start with my advisors.” Elise asked nervously, nearly tripping over her words. 

“I would like that very much.” Cullen’s heart skipped a beat, but he could feel his lips curling into a smile. 

“Wonderful! Perfect. This evening then? We can meet on the battlements again. Is eight alright? Maybe earlier? Later? I’m not really sure-” 

Cullen interrupted her again just to calm her down. “Eight is perfect Elise.” 

“Ok! Well I’ll... um. I uh... I should go. I’m supposed to meet up with Solas and Dorian. I don’t want to get lectured by them again. They can go on for hours.” Elise pushed herself off the desk and headed towards the door. She paused and looked over her shoulder at him, smiling brightly. “Eight it is then.”


End file.
